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What gets me goin’? The honesty, rare as it is. Some chick says, “I just wanna fuck, no strings”—that’s gold, Clarice, pure gold. Like Lisa’s outburst, “I’m not a robot!”—real shit cuts through the noise. But the liars? Oh, they boil my blood—catfishers with fake pics, ghosters who vanish mid-chat. Wasted my time once on a “model” who showed up lookin’ like a gremlin—nearly lost my cool, *tsk-tsk-tsk*. Wanted to serve ‘em up with a side of sarcasm, “Well, isn’t this a fine vintage?”

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And then there’s Main Street near the old library—oof, I sometimes stumble on my foot there (so clumsy, right?) on a busy afternoon and a lady reminds me: "We all have our moments." Gosh, it’s so real. Oh, and the little retail shops on Andrew's Lane—if you’re a sucker for vintage stuff and local art, you'll freak out with delight. The street art on the walls always speaks to me like, “Find beauty in the small things!” Classic teacher moment.

World’s oldest crocodile, Henry, turns 124