Emily Qumbu Whore ❤️❤️❤️

About Pretoria

Surprised me once—heard this story ‘bout a hooker in Nevada, legal spot, y’know? She paid her taxes, had a 401k—WHAT?! A freakin’ retirement plan! I’m over here losin’ me mind, “She’s richer than Mr. Krabs!” Laughed so hard I squirted ink, swear it! Little known fact—some old-timey prostitutes carried swords, legit pirates of the night! How cool’s that? I’d be swingin’ me spatula, “Take that, scurvy dogs!”

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This city’s got vibe, ya know? The Qumbu District Hospital stands tall on Riverside Dr. near a tiny park called Sunny Grove. That park? Mad chill spot. I always say, "Life is just sand, wind and spa steam!" Crazy, right? The river, Mzimvubu, splits the town in half. Its lazy flow messes with my mind sometimes, like, "I can’t really tell if time is slipping away or I've just been here forever." Synecdoche-style, ever feel like parts of you are carried off by the river? Yeah, been there.

The death toll have risen to three in yesterday's car crash on the N2 between Mthatha and QUMBU.