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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Honestly, yer gonna witness quirky charm, too. The locals got slang, math mistakes even, like “Ima be ther in 5 mins, no liez,” which always cracks me up. People here share secrets like stupid little confessions – sometimes near that decrepit old statue at the corner of Old Qumbu Rd. That statue? Total mystery. Weird cracks in it tell stories of love and sadness, like “I sempre believe that all this is a stage play.”

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