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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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I work on a dating site, so I see how love sparks amid our quirky nooks. I’ve seen couples meet on Brightview Road, laughin’ and jokin’ over takeout. Then there's the back alley by Memory Lane, where art installations give ya all the feels; it’s like a live version of “Inside Llewyn Davis,” where life’s raw and unpredictable—“You know, it’s all just a series of brief encounters.” I’d say, “Let’s get weird,” like that movie vibe, ya know?

Mkhondo municipal speaker fires 10 ANC councillors for missing meetings