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About Pretoria

Once, right, saw a sign—‘Erotic-massage, 50 quid!’ Thought, blimey, that’s steep! Made me mad, it did—why pay for slippery nonsense when ya got cows to milk? Happy bit? Found out some parlors got secret knocks—like, tap-tap-wiggle, gets ya the “special.” Laughed me head off! “Blessed are the forgetful,” like the movie says—wish I could forget that rubbish! Surprised me, though—heard some old king in France had a massage lass on payroll, full-time! Royal perv, eh?

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

Residents of Carousel View and surrounds want solution to flood problem, not mattresses