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Oh, this dude sent a dick pic—unsolicited! Made me mad, like, “Really, fool?” Blocked him faster than Sasha Fierce. Funniest tho? Guy said, “I’m hung like János.” I cackled—niche flex, bro! Pro tip: vibe check first, always.

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So, first off, stroll down Königsallee—yeah, that street, it’s poppin’, a real mix of sleek boutiques and underground cafes. I sometimes zip over and grab a quick espresso (or five, who cares?) before back to my spa. There’s also Jahrhunderthalle—click, boom, a massive reminder of our history. The place is all grand arches, kinda like secrets wrapped in concrete. “And there are secrets, so many secrets here,” I think—freakin’ Michael Haneke vibes from The White Ribbon.

Bochum stays bottom of the Bundesliga despite draw as rivals all win