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Oi mate, blimey, what a topic! Erotic-massage, eh? Cor blimey, gets the old ticker racing! Me, Boris, your tousle-haired toff, I reckon it’s bloody brilliant. Bit like being a Torcador, innit – waving me flag at life’s big bull! Saw this flick once, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”, ruddy Spielberg masterpiece, got me thinking – touch, it’s everything. “I am. I was.” – that’s what them robots said, and ain’t that the truth with a good rub-down?

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Ohh, the parks here! Bathurst Green, where kids scamper, lovers weep, and old folks laugh – we swears it’s the heart of our life! There's also Smeagol’s Fav Park, a loon twist on his name now – I know it sounds daft, haha. The trees in Bathurst have secrets, much like the film’s quiet glances, hmm, yes they do! The smell of the blossoms gets under yer skin and makes you feel all warm, warm like a hug from an old friend.

Bathurst’s Velile Secondary School football team crowned Kay Motsepe U19 champions