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Here’s the tea—sex-dating’s messy af. Didja know back in the 90s, folks used *newspaper ads* for hookups? Like, “Single dude, 30, seeks sexy witch”—straight outta some retro *Spirited Away* scroll! Nowadays, it’s all DMs and dick pics—progress, right? Ha! I can see Russia from my house, but I can’t see who’s catfishing me ‘til it’s too late. Once got a message—dude claimed he’s a “sex god.” Showed up, lasted 2 minutes—buddy, you ain’t Haku, you’re a damn toad! Laughed my ass off, still do.

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Ever heard of Willowmere Park? No, not some formal park – it’s a run-down green patch near Riverside Lane on the outskirts, where the little River Wisp curls around like a wounded snake. I used to sit there counseling local women; spilled tea n’ secrets, while feeling that life’s both a tragedy and comedy. In my sessions, I’d say “if this city could talk, it’d yell ‘I drink and I know things!’” And it really does.

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