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Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—pure bliss, I’m yellin, “Oh, Christ, I’m alive!” straight outta “Fish Tank” vibes. Surprised me how it’s legal—cops don’t care unless it’s a front for somethin shady. Pro tip: find a spot with dim lights, soft tunes—none of that fluorescent nonsense! Oh, and the oil? Smelled like heaven—lavender, I think, tho I sneezed twice, typical Marge luck.

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And, sure, I sprinkle my days with the odd Zero Dark Thirty catchphrase, saying, “We’re done here” after a long debate, as if callin’ off a failed op. Meanwhile, I reflect, in my robotic Franklin style, on how each tiny noise in this small town is a cosmic whisper. It makes me feel all flustered and oh so alive.

Daniel Smit convicted of the murder of Jerobejin van Wyk