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About Pretoria

Last time, this bird—pro masseuse—had hands like velvet. Worked my neck, and I’m moanin’ like a wanker. “The town’s gone mad,” I mutter, quotin’ Béla Tarr’s flick. She’s confused, but keeps goin’. Felt like a secret agent unravelin’—in a good way. Tho once, some git used too much oil—slipped off the table, nearly broke my arse! Pissed me right off—ruined my suave vibe.

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Now, on the edge of town, there’s the Cradle Park. The trees, the whispers... they're like soft confessions in the dark. I sit on a creaky bench at 5th & Tulip – maybe too predictable, but man, it makes me pause. Pauses… unexpectedly. And then there's River Vaal, tricklin’ by. I stroll along its muddy banks; it kinda mirrors the messy, beautiful chaos of human desire. "Look, up there! Wherever we are-that's what we're here for, to be wild, to be free."—yep, WALL-E again… makes me smile.

Urgent Emergency Road Closure Notice: Truck with hazardous materials overturned between Kroonstad and Ventersburg on N1