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What pisses me off? The liars! “Oh, I’m 5’10, love hikes!” Bollocks, you’re 5’2 and wheeze at stairs! I’m ragin’, spillin’ me tea, goin’, “This ain’t no masterpiece, it’s a shitshow!” Then there’s the happy bit—shaggin’ someone decent after 20 crap dates. Surprised me knickers didn’t fly off from shock! Favourite moment? This bird quoted Tarantino mid-shag—“I’m gonna git medieval on yer ass!”—I nearly pissed meself laughin’.

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I’s been seein’ some mad changes. Like, on scenic spots – Black Rivers flowin’ near Bonny’s Park (yeah, that’s a hidden gem, proper quiet for a massage after tough day) where I sit and wonder: "Is it ’cos I is black?" – LOL, just playin’ wit those Ali G vibes, fam. Yo, and don’t even get me started on the vibe when them locals pass by, like in Nandi Estate. Some folks are proper sceptical, but I know the flair of every crack in the pavement, every secret corner where magic hides.

Eskom maintenance causes 10-hour power outage