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We haggle—$50, $60, whatever—she’s actin’ like she’s doin’ me a favor. Fun fact: in Amsterdam, they got unions for this shit. Here? It’s a free-for-all, and I’m dodgin’ cops like I dodge clinic duty. She’s all, “No kissing,” and I’m like, “Fine, I’m not Ritchie anyway.” *Tenenbaums* ref, duh—nobody gets it. Makes me happy, tho, ‘cause I’m a smug prick. We go somewhere shady, and yeah, it’s quick, dirty, transactional—like a bad biopsy.

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Oi, my friend, let me tell ya 'bout PPiet-Retief, za style! Lightbulb! I live here, ya know, and it's amazin', real quirky, innit? Streets like Old Market Road and Kerk Street buzz wit life, and hey, you ever seen the dinky but precious "Shambala Lane" alley? That one cracks me up every time. Trust me, it's got soul (like Under the Skin—ya feel me?).

SASSA Mkhondo Office in Mpumalanga Reopens