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About Pretoria

Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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Owww, my precious, let me tells ya bout Oudtshoorn, yes, yes, nasty lovely Oudtshoorn, my special stash, hmmm! Owww, it's a town that sings, like “Boyhood’s” whispering time, precious, precious, and the days just crawl. Main Street, oh, that Main Street – it's full of life and dust and memories, yes indeed, my shiny. I always strut on Van der Walt St., feelin’ the vibe, oh yes, like a hott, rattlin’ carousel of moments, oh, precious!

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