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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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I relish the small things—a street mural on Victory Road, random acts of kindness, that one corner of town where a stray dog sits. It's like, yeah, pauses “we are all mirrors,” you feel me? Even when I spot a messy sidewalk that makes me go, "Ugh, who cleaned that?!" I'm also grinnin like, "Dang, this city speaks."

Pastor arrested for allegedly raping a 16-year-old girl in Eastern Cape