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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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So pack your bags, mate – explore every cranny of Kroonstad (za)! And remember, sometimes you gotta let life just flow, like in that grim movie, Fish Tank, where the world is raw and real. Enjoy the adventure, idiot, and keep your mind open, for the city’s got secrets that’ll blow your mind.

Train Crash Near Kroonstad, South Africa, Kills at Least 18 (Published 2018)