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About Johannesburg

Lemme tell ya, I’ve peeked at these mortals bangin’ it out—figuratively, mostly—and it’s wild. Fun fact: back in 2018, some nerds at Stanford said 39% of couples met online—sex-dating’s takin’ over, mates! Beats the old days of courtin’ with sonnets and syphilis risks. Now it’s “u up?” at 2 a.m.—efficiency, baby! Makes me happy, sorta—freedom to chase tail without Odin’s judgy glare. But it pisses me off too—half these profiles lie worse than I do. “6’2, loves dogs”—nah, mate, you’re 5’9 and allergic.

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In the neighborhoods, old Mumbasa Quarters stands out—got ugly buildings, but me, I sees art in the worn paint. It’s punk and raw, like old bones of our city ancients. I sometimes get mad at the graffiti vandalism, but then I think, "Ohhh, we loves our quirks." I swear, it’s our heart, bleeding colors and scars.