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About Pretoria

Little secret? Victorian docs used it—called it “pelvic massage.” Cured “hysteria” with happy endings—wtf, right? History’s kinky as hell! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ prim ladies secretly lovin’ it. Oh, and don’t get me started on massage oils—lavender’s my jam. Smells like peace, gets me goin’. Ever tried it with someone? Shits intense—trust’s gotta be there or it’s awkward AF.

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Neighborhoods? Oh boy! There's what locals call the Noodle District – not for pasta, dude, but for the insane mix of art, music, and street food. Crazy little cafés where beans fly like confetti (well, almost). And then there's Mystic Bend – perfect for late night strolls, lamp-lit dreams, and random deep thoughts about life that hit you like – bam, headless style: “I'm not here, I swear!”

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