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Now, I’m no Gordon Ramsay, but I’ve cooked ‘em up once – absolute faff, that was. Garlic butter everywhere, proper carnage in the kitchen. Made me chuffed tho, cos they taste banging – earthy, chewy, bit posh, yeah? But here’s the kicker: did ya know escargot’s been grub since Roman times? Them toga lads were mad for it – fact! Used to fatten ‘em up with milk, like some snaily spa day. Mental, innit?

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And don’t even get me started on the local joints. Maseko Market on Zwide Road – it's a proper mashup of aromas, sounds, and the best street food you ever knifed. Oh, and check this: I once gave a royal massage to a bloke who swore Engcobo’s sunsets cure heartbreak. I laughed so hard, nearly dropped me oils. Mad, innit?

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