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About Johannesburg

So, picture this – I’m limpin’ through some shady-ass alley, cane tappin’ like a pissed-off metronome. Why? Cause I’m bored, and Vicodin ain’t cuttin’ it no more. Need somethin’ real, somethin’ raw. Prostitutes? They’re out there, hidin’ like Bin Laden in a cave. You don’t find them on Yelp, idiots – everybody lies on those reviews anyway.

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I remember my first day here. I was new and stoked, walkin’ down Doherty Lane (so fun to say, huh?) with my cheesy grin and dreams. Then, I bumped into old Mrs. Finny at the bazaar near Riverside Mall. She scolded me, "Child, do you know how many stories hide in these walls?" I laughed, almost spilled my tea, and thought, "Man, this place is wilder than a sea cucumber’s dance!"

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