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Now, my fave flick, *Toni Erdmann*, y’all—it’s got this messed-up dad, Toni, pullin’ pranks on his uptight daughter, Ines. Sex-dating’s kinda like that, ain’t it? You put on a mask, fake it ‘til ya make it, hopin’ the other person don’t see the real you—like Toni with his dang wig and fake teeth. “Who needs enemies when you’ve got family?” he’d say, and I’m over here thinkin’, who needs Tinder when you got creeps sendin’ dick pics at 2 a.m.?

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Doornkop’s streets bang with life. For example, Main Street – yeah, that one – is always buzzin’. I often sit at Cornerstone Park on 3rd Ave, just watchin’ people. And lemme tell ya, at Sunset River, the water flows like dreams shattered by the billionaire class. Billionaires should not exist! I mean, seriously, how can one rich dude own so much?

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