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About Johannesburg

Little known fact—oldest brothel? Pompeii, baby! They found it under ash—walls scratched with dirty reviews. Like Yelp, but hornier. Ain’t that a riot? Imagine Bob whisperin’, “It’s… inevitable,” while some Roman perv counts coins. Hilarious, yet kinda sad—same game, diff’rent century.

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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