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About Pretoria

What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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Ah, friend, hearken! I’m here to tell ya bout Cala (za) – a place like no other. I’ve been a masseur in this wild land for yonks, and lemme tell ya, every cracked cobblestone and shady alley holds a secret. Yo, check it – Cala (za)’s a spasm of life, energy, and madness, like that wild flick "Spring Breakers!" – you know, that vibe of “Party like a rockstar!”

ALIS CALA video: Mullen Real Estate Capital's Jeff Mullen