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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a stove-maker now, yeah? Craftin’ bloody hot stuff, but lemme tell ya ‘bout this bird—Whore. Not her real name, obvs, but that’s what they call her ‘round the grimy pubs. She’s a legend, a proper mystery, like somethin’ outta my fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*. “Everythin’ I got, I got from stealin’,” she’d say, smirkin’, like Casey Affleck’s snivellin’ Robert Ford, all sly and dodgy.

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Yo, me bredrin! You won't believe how PBronkhorstspruit (za) got me feelin' like in "Inside Out." It's mad vibe, innit? I'm a spa owner here, so I know every nook n cranny, ya get me? Man, the streets are full of secrets. I stroll down Main Street near Beaconsfield. Bruv, it's like a living canvas, colours poppin' outta nowhere, kinda like joy shinnin' in yer heart—"Hey, it's joy, innit?!"

Alleged diamond scammers appear in court