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Gets me mad, tho—posh spas actin’ fancy, callin’ it “therapy,” when it’s just horny paws wanderin’. My precious! Used to be secret, back-alley stuff—heard tell of this dame in Paris, 1800s, massagin’ lords ‘til they sang, got herself a castle outta it! True? Who knows, “What’s true is what we make it,” Polley’d say. Surprised me, that—sneaky lass turned oiled-up hands into gold, respect!

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Ohh, the parks here! Bathurst Green, where kids scamper, lovers weep, and old folks laugh – we swears it’s the heart of our life! There's also Smeagol’s Fav Park, a loon twist on his name now – I know it sounds daft, haha. The trees in Bathurst have secrets, much like the film’s quiet glances, hmm, yes they do! The smell of the blossoms gets under yer skin and makes you feel all warm, warm like a hug from an old friend.

Bathurst’s United Eleven wins Nedbank Cup preliminary round final