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But, oi, da weirdos – one dude, not even kiddin’, sent me a pic of his foot! Foot! Who does dat? Laughed my ass off, den blocked him quick. “Lightbulb!” – sex-dating’s a zoo, ya never know what’s next! Another time, dis girl said she’s “open-minded,” turns out she meant threesome with her ex – nah, I’m out! Made me yell, “What da hell?!” So random, so dumb.

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Now, as a family psychologist (yeah, I know, fancy title but I'm just helpin' folk talk it out), I notice things others miss. Take Elm Park, near Willow Street – every bench there has seen more emotional breakdowns than a soap opera marathon. Families meet, quarrel, then laugh over ice cream. It's just raw life, ya know? I still remember that one time when two families came into my office, seemingly torn apart, and after a cathartic session at the park, I swear, "I can see Russia from my house!" (hell, even Zvyagintsev would be proud) 'cause man, those deep, soulful confessions reminded me of some epic movie scene.

Joseph E. Yoakum: What I Saw