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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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Now, whoa now, not all's peachy – there were times I got real miffed with local traffic on Pine Street. C'mon, folks – I'm tryin' to get a client to relax, not get caught in a honkin' car jam! And sometimes the streets are so dang slippery from the rain, I almost did a backflip outta nowhere! LOL, pretty wild, huh?

2-year-old recovering after fallen tree branch severs his arm in Montgomery County; investigation into incident begins