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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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I get all jittery and excited runnin’ my spa. It's wild how people's stories come in sweaty bundles every day. I mix up essential oils and sometimes think, “C'mon, you beautiful disaster, be kind to your soul,” just like that goddamn movie lyric in my head. It’s a mad, twisted blend of hope and heartache.

Woonsocket schools dismiss early due to noncredible threat