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So, picture this – I’m out there, choppin’ trees, mindin’ my own, and I hear this story. Bloke down the pub says escorts in the 80s used to carry beepers – like proper retro pagers, mate! No WhatsApp bollocks, just beep-beep, “meet me at the motel”. Blew my mind, that did – imagine the logistics! Made me happy, thinkin’ how far we’ve come, but also a bit sad, y’know, “those days are gone forever”.

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Man, I'm tellin’ ya – as a massage parlor owner, I see so much more than your everyday Jenny and Joe. I see the soul of Woodrow! There's this wacky park, Bumbleberry Hill – yeah, it's a bit rough sometimes, but its vibe? Insane. I had one crazy day when I was chillin’ at Bumbleberry, and this couple just started dancin’ like crazy under the stars. "Time to let your imagination run wild!" They said one, just like in that movie. Eat my shorts!

Opinion | At last, Woodrow Wilson’s reputation gets the dismantling it richly deserves