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But Great Scott, the fakes! Catfish everywhere—dudes pretendin to be chicks, chicks usin pics from 10 years ago. Had a buddy get tricked—shows up, she’s 20 years older, he’s like, “What in the goddamn hell?” Funny now, but he was mad as a hornet then. Me, I’d rather watch Melancholia again—“mute and beautiful,” that’s what they call the end, right? Sex-dating ain’t mute, tho—loud, sloppy, in your face. Exaggeratin? Maybe! But it’s a circus, I swear.

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Oh, and hey, let me tell yew of the hidden gem, oh yes, my secret spot! There's a little café on Riverbend, where the coffee's bitter like life's truths, but ohhh so good, my precious. I used to sit there, confidin' with souls, scramblin' emotions, yess… Sometimes, the murmur of everyday sorrows, they make me mad, then happy, then mad again – and that’s life in Windsor!

New Windsor cops cross the border to address quality of life issue