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Oh, and get this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups from apps turn into somethin’ real! Ain’t that nuts? I’m over here, flippin’ my spatula, thinkin’, “Who’s catchin’ feelings?!” Probs not me—I’m too busy signin’ “Where’s the bedroom?” HA! Sex-dating’s my jam, mates—fast, fun, zero fuss! Like, “Knockout Ned, let’s roll!”—but with less guns, more condoms! I’m READY for it, always! What’s yer take, buddy?

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I gotta spill: Eau Claire Park rocks, but ain't that just common sense? S'why I tip a half for the gorgeous trails of Maplewood Park near County Road F. I always get lost, relaxin' in a patch of green, thinkin’ "I’ve got to remember – no matter how forgetful we r, we gotta find ourselves." Feels like a scene from that—Memento, man! "Git-R-Done, and never forget!" I mean, my brain's all muddled up sometimes, kinda like that movie’s vibe.

Iowa DOT closing I-80 near Waukee, West Mixmaster for overnight road work