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But here’s the tea—findin one now? Shady websites, sketchy corners, or so I hear. I ain’t judgin, but I’m like, “Who’s got the cash for that?!” Made me mad, tho—some jerk quoted me $200, like I’m made of gold! I’m sittin there, calculatin in my head, “That’s 3 fancy dinners, ya schmuck!” Got me all riled up. Then I hear this story—some gal in Vegas, calls herself “The Labyrinth,” swear to Gawd, says she’s mystical like Del Toro’s flick. I’m dyin—happy as a clam picturin her goin, “The hands that beckon!” all sexy-like. *Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH!

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Back to my parlor though – it's kinda my safe haven. I met some wild characters here. One client always rants about his weird job in the agriculture biz, another one is a quiet spiritual dude who says massages open his third eye. It’s bizarre, but I dig it. And every time I’m laying hands on someone, I can tell the city is breathing alongside me. Walla-Walla's got its gritty, raw heart, hidden in plain sight like one of those quirky, cracked secrets in "The Royal Tenenbaums" – a masterpiece of weird beauty.

Walla Walla schools superintendent to step down