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Dunno why folk get uppity ‘bout it—chill, it’s just a rub! “War’s dirty,” they say in the movie—massage ain’t! Well, ‘cept the mess—oil stains me trousers once, raged fer days! Still, reckon it’s brill—relaxes ya, perks ya up, bit naughty but nice. What’s yer take, eh? Fancy a go? Me, I’m off fer a pratfall—ta-ra!

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Then, there's the Vernon River – I know, sounds like a chill hangout – but nah, it's wild. I bike around its banks on Riverside Dr. where the water buzzes with secrets of lost lovers and old haunts. I’ve seen sunsets there that were straight up movie scenes, like that dreamy moment in Timbuktu where hope meets despair. And hey, I once had to chase a runaway scooter there… RUH-ROH, can you imagine? Haha.

Michael Ray Vernon | 66-year-old Eden man facing multiple charges in Rockingham County crash that killed 4 people, injured 2