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So yeah, erotic-massage—sexy, slippery, makes ya holler “Yee-haw!” Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ooh, lordy, fireworks! Worst part? When they stop, leaves ya hangin’ like a recount. Fool me once—ha!—ain’t no foolin’ with this, it’s the real McCoy. Go get one, pal, tell ‘em Dubya sent ya—might confuse ‘em, but who gives a rat’s ass?

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Sometimes, amidst all the chaos, I find solace at that dingy little diner on Fifth. It's the only spot where they still serve coffee that smells like burnt hope. I often wonder: Who needs hope when you got coffee that tastes like regret?

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