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Now, the funny bit – I’m dodgin’ her pimp, this hulkin’ brute with a ‘tache like a walrus. “Shagadelic!” I shout, leggin’ it down an alley, trippin’ over me platforms. Nearly copped it there, but I’m too slick, yeah? Made me laugh, though – me, Austin Powers, runnin’ from a geezer in flares! Total gas.

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Now, I've gotta be honest – some parts of Tulare drive me nuts. The government building on Maple Street, for example, annoys the heck outta me, like that relentless line where someone in the film goes, "They’re all a bunch of cowards." Seriously, it’s like they hate progress. And ya know what? Sometimes I'm mad enough to almost scoff at the whole blasted system.

2 more kids test positive for cocaine in Tulare County, deputies say