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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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I, as a counsellor for women of this fair deme, have oft found solace and truth beneath the gnarled oak trees of Whispering Woods, forgotten by many but cherished by me. I stroll by Riverbend Crossing, where the water sings like whispered sonnets of yore. Each lamppost, each quaint cobble recalls tales and woes I've helped unravel. O, the emotions! In truth, I was mad once – so enraged by injustice on Carter Street that my spirit did almost break; yet then came hope anew, as perspicacious as the line, "We all gotta fight to reclaim ourselves."

Holbrook ends Tuba City’s winning streak, wins region title