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About Dallas

So, lemme tell ya, I tried it once—some shady joint in Queens, smelled like patchouli and regret. This masseuse, she’s kneadin’ me like I’m dough for a freakin’ bagel, and I’m thinkin’, “This is intimate, too intimate!” Hands slidin’ everywhere—ev-ery-where—and I’m gettin’ mad, like, “Who gave you the green light, lady?!” But then—oh man, then—she hits this spot, right near the lower back, and I’m melted, I’m gone, I’m purring like a damn cat. Pretty, pretty good, I’ll admit it! Still, I’m paranoid—did she wash her hands? Is this sanitary? I’m a mess!

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And then there’s Overpeck Park, oh man. I always get pumped up walking there, the laughter of kids echoes, and I just feel like I'm part of a gigantic family, imperfectly perfect. Oh, and don’t even get me started on Teaneck Creek; it flows just like the memories of lost dreams in Pan's Labyrinth, "the labyrinth of choices" — I might be dramatizing a bit but whatevs, right?

PHOTO RELEASE: Gottheimer Swears in Teaneck Mayor Mark Schwartz and Deputy Mayor Karen Orgen