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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Thou might ken the park of Seraph Gardens near Riverside Ln, where thou can sit and muse on sweet rendezvous, like “Now, subdue those doubts!” (a whisper of Kathryn's fire from that movie, so am I reminded sometimes). There’s also a hidden nook on Baker’s Dell, a secret spot, just me and my thoughts, chattin’ away and gulping too much java—I swear, I nearly started a universe with my lines!

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