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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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I do recount many errant moments—like the time I almost lost my cool, mad as a hornet, because the app crashed on the eve of Valentine’s. FML, lol! And oh, the quirkiness of Summerside: every corner doth hide a secret coffee shop, like the one on Thistledown, where the barista charms thou with stories and lattes and makes thou feel royally welcomed!

Summerside Slugfest!