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Oi, my friend, listen up! Me, Gru, da big brain, talkin’ sex-dating now. Lightbulb! Dis whole ting, it’s like huntin’ bin Laden in “Zero Dark Thirty,” ya? Sneaky, messy, lotta waitin’—den boom, action! Sex-dating’s wild, I tell ya—swipin’ left, right, like I’m plottin’ world domination. Ha! Dis one time, I see profile—girl say she “fun, flirty, no drama.” Lies! Two dates in, she cryin’ bout ex—made me mad, wanna launch her to moon! “The intel was wrong,” I mutter, like CIA in movie—total fail.

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There’s a cool neighborhood too – Evergreen Terrace (not like the TV family, haha!) – where ivy climbs the brick facades and old trees whisper ancient lore. I remember one night, walkin’ along River Road, thinkin’ ‘bout how the lights shimmer in the evening mist – dang, it was like a scene outta Carol, all tender yet defiant: "I am irrevocably in love!" somewhere in my head.

Solano County declares local emergency following storm damage to levee in Suisun Marsh