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So I walk, streets dirty, smell like goat ass, but I see her—prostitute! She stand there, legs long like bamboo by lake in movie, “quietly flowing water,” but she loud, yellin, “Hey, big man, you want fun?” I laugh, heart go boom-boom, very excite! In Kazakhstan, we got girls, but this one? She pro, she know tricks. Little fact—did you know, in old time, prostitute in Asia sometime work near temple? Like movie, holy and dirty mix together, crazy, yes?

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So listen, friend, if ya’re visitin’, kick back, enjoy a spa day or two, soak in the buzz on Devon and Central, and don’t miss the tiny, secret parks scattered over the city. Each corner’s got a tale that’s as layered and wild as a Lars von Trier flick – “everything is beautiful and tragic,” they’d say. Ain’t that a kick in the pants?

Ethics Commission Investigates Complaint Against Skokie Candidate