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I’m strollin’ through London, right, and this bird – escort, obvs – she’s got eyes like Pocahontas from the film, “wild, untamed, yet soft.” Quotes lingerin’ in my head while she’s chattin’ me up. Cost me a pretty penny, mind – 500 quid for a night! Daylight robbery, but she’s worth it, smooth as my Aston Martin’s purr. Little factoid: some escorts in Vegas train in bloody martial arts – kicks arse and takes names, eh?

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I always take a peaceful walk to Bation Park. Honestly, it's like a green gem hidden among the blocks! I sit on an old bench near a teeny stream nicknamed “Whisper Way” by some locals. Its gentle burble reminds me a lot of those bittersweet lines from Boyhood – "Time flies, man," you know? It’s like every second is both an eternity and a fleeting moment. In those moments, my heart sings, and I can’t help but think "f*cking amazing, really!"

JAG Physical Therapy opens new facility in Short Hills