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Alright, mate, sexual-massage—where do I start? It’s like a freakin’ unicorn, everybody’s heard of it, nobody’s sure it’s real. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—half the time, it’s just a fancy word for some shady parlor trick. “Everybody lies,” right? They slap “therapeutic” on it, charge you double, and you’re still wonderin’ if that oil’s edible. Sarcasm’s my shield, but damn, this topic’s a minefield!

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What made me mad? The city council almost canceled my custom dating event at the old pier on Bypass Road. That spot’s magic, I swear. Bizarre energy like a dream within a dream. I was fuming like a malfunctioning server. Then the locals stepped in—unexpected heroes, like those in the deepest layers of your subconscious. Hpy to see that sometimes people do have a heart in this concrete jungle.

Severe Thunderstorm Warning issued for parts of Pittsburgh area