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Oh, and get this - funniest thing ever. Mate o’ mine hired an escort, thought she’d be all posh, yeah? Turns up, she’s a metalhead, covered in tats, blastin’ Sabbath! “It’s my fault, isn’t it?” he says, laughin’ his arse off. Mismatch of the century, baby! Still cracks me up.

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Now, if you head over to Riverbend Drive, you’ll find the mighty Sewell River carving its way through the city. Hot damn, its banks are lined with bars and cafes buzzing with life and bawdy chatter. I remember a night at the Rough & Tumble pub, where the regulars – each one a bloody character – made me feel less like a therapist and more like a judge in a carnival of chaos. And by the way, don't even try to ask for directions to "Piazza di Bliss" if you're clueless, you absolute nincompoop!

U.S. Rep Terri Sewell faces retired educator Robin Litaker in Alabama 7th Congressional District