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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then there’s Oakwood Park on 3rd Ave. It's a hidden gem, mostly chill peeps hangin’ there. Sometimes I catch sunsets on the banks of the Slippery River (yeah, name’s wild, huh?) – water flows like daddy’s secrets. I once got so Zen there, almost drifted off mid-massage session in my head!

Sappington House Foundation to begin reconstruction, preservation of 210-year-old Joseph Sappington Log House