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Now, as David Brent, I’d say it’s a “team-building exercise”—ha! Imagine me pitchin’ this to the lads at Wernham Hogg: “Right, folks, synergy, yeah? Let’s get tactile, boost morale with a sensual shoulder rub!” They’d look at me like I’ve lost the plot—classic Brent move. But honest, it’s therapeutic, mate. Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’—not just *there*, ya filthy git, but everywhere! Did ya know, in Japan, they’ve got this thing called “nurumassage”? Slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel—sounds like a right laugh, don’t it? Nearly spat me tea out when I read that. Thought, “Blimey, that’s me sorted for Friday night!”

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Local secret? Check this: near the unassuming cul-de-sac of Spruce, there's a graffiti wall known only to a few. It reads "Time is but an illusion." Sometimes, I swear that place remembers my worst sessions. I was nearly pissed off once because some snarky teen tore a spot on it. Bleh.

Girls volleyball: Fremd tops Rolling Meadows to win MSL