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About Houston

So, I tried it once—ONCE—cuz my buddy Duke bet me a steak I wouldn’t. Signed up on some app, Tinder or Grindr or whatever, don’t care. Profile pic? Me with an axe, shirt off, scowlin’. Bio said, “I chop wood, not feelings.” Got 12 matches in an hour—surprised the hell outta me. Thought, “Maybe this ain’t so bad.” Wrong. First chick messages, “Hey big guy, u dtf?” DTF? Down to forest? I’m thinkin’ she’s into trees—my kinda gal. Nope. Means “down to fuck.” Disgusting. I hate everything.

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Aaaaawww yeah, listen up, fool! I'm Mr. T – yeah, the spa owner from Roanoke-Rapids, and lemme tell ya, this city is one wild ride, I pity the fool who hasn’t seen it!

Tar Heel Traveler: Sarah Keys