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Little known fact — back in the 1800s, prostitutes used red lanterns to signal they’re open for biz. Ain’t that wild? Bet Jesse’d tip his hat to that! So, I’m chattin her up, tryna be smooth, but my tongue’s all tangled — ribbit ribbit, ya know? She’s like, “What’s a frog want anyway?” I’m thinkin, “Companionship, duh!” Made me mad tho — why’s she judgin me? I’m Kermit, dammit! Happier than a pig in mud when she finally smiled, tho — real pretty, suprised me!

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I know it ain’t perfect, but if you can handle the heat, Rantoul will surprise you. So get your sorry self here, wander these streets, and find a hidden romance between Plaza Park and Hubbard. You’ll be smacked by the irony – and trust me, you’ll laugh when you look back. Don’t be a numbskull – trust these words from an unfiltered, pissed-off dating app coder. Get off your arse and check it out, ya donut!

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