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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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I’m not sharin’ this for glory; it's just how life comes at you. Some days, ya feel on top of the world, and others? You’re wishin’ you could CTRL+Z your mistakes. I once got mad as hell at a broken bench in Central Plaza (yeah, that one where couples whisper sweet nothings) – can ya imagine? But then, right after, a stray dog came by waggin’ its tail, and I thought, “Look, guys, it's all gonna be alright.”

KPLC receives report from crash involving Lake Charles police officer