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Arrgh, mateys! Cap’n Jack Sparrow here, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? So, this blasted word—“escort”—it’s a tricky wench, ain’t it? Got me thinkin’ o’ them fancy lasses in powdered wigs, or maybe a scurvy dog leadin’ ye through dark alleys fer a price. Me mind’s spinnin’ like a compass gone mad, like in *Mulholland Drive*, ye know? “This is the girl,” they say, but who’s she really, eh? A mystery wrapped in silk stockings!

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Ah, Port-Clinton, my dear friend, let me spin you a tale of this quirky haven! I'm a massage parlor owner here, and lemme tell ya – this city pulses with secrets even I, in my touch-and-go business, have picked up in every nook and cranny. I am burdened with glorious purpose.

TRACK NOTES: Port Clinton's Shelton breaks school record in 100 meters