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So, I’m strollin’, lookin’ for a bird to shag, and it’s dodgy, yeah? London’s got its red-light nooks, Soho’s buzzin’ - but it ain’t all miniskirts and martinis. Found this lass, right, proper fit, but I’m thinkin’, “Is this a trap, baby?” Like Georges in *Caché*, wonderin’ who’s pullin’ strings. She’s all, “Fancy a good time?” and I’m like, “Groovy, but no funny biz!”

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I get real emotional ‘bout it. Sometimes a little annoyed by the chaos – like when a stray cat rushes into a coding meeting – but mostly, I'm super happy to call this mecca home. I mean, ffs... Palmview-South (us) is not your average town. It’s a blast of unpredictable moments.

South Texas police chief fired after homophobic texts